Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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