So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
