My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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