Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
