I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
