I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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