I must be too annoying 4 u.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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