I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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