Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's the barista slut.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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