He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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