I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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