I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
