i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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