Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
