Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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