Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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