well I can't set my house on fire every night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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