Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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