dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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