what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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