He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
