You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
did i just pee glitter
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
