3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
