another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
