operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
