and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
