I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
