every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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