i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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