Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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