I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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