someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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