I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
