I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
