As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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