well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
