so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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