This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
