she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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