I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize