Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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