KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
