i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
