I accidentally had phone sex last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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