u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
