you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
