i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
