remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
