he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
