Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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