You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i love accidental penises.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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