i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
