I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
