wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
