Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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