I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
