Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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