one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
