for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
