i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
