Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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