I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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