she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
