She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
