Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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