And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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