My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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