I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i've created a new STD.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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