New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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