Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
